If you grew up as I did, you might have a complex relationship with anger and trauma. There is no doubt that anger and trauma exist within and around you. Let’s face it, we’re human. However, it might be how you feel about anger that makes it complicated.
It took me quite some time to understand my connection with anger and trauma. In the past, anger was an emotion I feared to express because I believed it was a negative emotion. The reason why I was afraid is that I worried about what would happen to me internally if I did. I felt like my rage was so big that I felt it was risky to let it out of my system. Thus, instead of dealing with it, I would bottle it up until I was unable to control myself and ended up exploding into something worse.
I have repressed anger for most of my life, ignored it, and moved on from it because anger, to me, was a bad emotion. It’s something you shouldn’t feel or experience. There is no doubt that this is incorrect. Unfortunately, at that time, I did not know any better.
ANGER AND TRAUMA IS COMPLEX
In reality, anger can definitely serve a purpose, and in fact, it is a very healthy emotion. It helps me recognize when something is wrong or needs to be addressed. The only difference now is that I’ve discovered ways to express myself that are healthier than before.
My first experience of punching a bag to help release my anger and trauma is a memory forever etched in my mind. It was so hard for me to do because I was so judgmental of myself at the time. As I rage punched on, I remember thinking that people who scream and punch things are nuts. I soon came to realize that punching a bag was so much better than screaming at the people I love. I was so vindictive and mean, and if I felt that I was right and you didn’t like it, you could take a fucking hike. My way or the highway.
FIND HEALTHY WAYS TO EXPRESS YOUR ANGER AND TRAUMA
With the help of therapy, I have moved away from the punching bag to things that I enjoy doing. Activities that allow anger to flow through me. I lift weights, I practice different breathing techniques and I write. And I meditate. Specifically, Lucia Light Meditation helped me become more aware of my feelings. Those are the ways I express myself. This doesn’t mean it still doesn’t suck to feel it, I’m just not as afraid of it as I used to be.
I’m sharing my journey and what has helped me grow and change through it, to hopefully help you with yours. Back in 2013, I was diagnosed with late-stage colon cancer and it forced me to get serious about my health. Not just my body, the whole damn situation. Mind, body and soul I guess you could say.